How to Write the Perfect Maid of Honor or Best Man Speech
A best man, maid of honor speech is not a roast!
Everyone loves a good laugh during a best man or maid of honor speech, right? But remember! It's not a roast. You have an amazing opportunity as the friend they picked to be best man or maid of honor to encourage the bride and groom on the night of their wedding. Don't risk embarrassing them by sharing "drunken memories". Most of the guests weren't there to experience it with you anyways, so it's never as hilarious as you think it is. I hear these stories way too often and honestly it just comes off as immature and not the best highlight for the bride and groom. Instead, speak words of encouragement, tell stories that remark about their positive characteristics and what will make them a great husband or wife.
But I want it to be light-hearted and funny? How do I do that?
Don't try to be funny just for the sake of it. Let that happen naturally. If you’ve ever seen the movie Wedding Crashers, you might remember Owen Wilson giving Rachel McAdams advice before her speech and he says, “speak from the heart”. Be genuine. And make a toast that truly celebrates who the bride and groom are as a couple!
Speech dos and don’ts
7 things to think through when writing you speech:
DO: Write it down. Make notes, bullet points or something of reference. If you have the time, write it out word for word. But if you’re more of a “wing-it” type of person, you will be happy to have some notes with you on the night of your big speech. If you feel confident with the note taking app you use on your phone, go for it. But traditional printed out on a piece of paper seems to still be the most full proof. We’ve seen a lot of people use their phone and forget to “unlock” the screen and so they lose their place and the speech gets awkwardly interrupted. So if you use your phone, turn the screen time out to “OFF”.
DON’T: Start your speech by saying “For those of you who don’t know me…” It’s tacky. Seriously, if you’re the best man or maid of honor, you’re maybe talking to a fraction of the guest list who doesn’t know you. A more polished way to start would be to say, “Good evening everyone, what an amazing night the bride and groom have planned for us all, my name is “…” and I have the honor of being the groom’s best man.
DO: Share fond memories. Tell stories of your friendship with the bride or groom but then relate those memories to certain positive qualities or attributes about the bride or groom that will make them a good husband or wife. Make sure to share memories that include both the bride and groom when possible. Try to make it about them and not just about whichever party you’re more associated with.
DON’T: Embarrass them.
DO: Encourage them.
DON’T: Try too hard. It’s obvious when people “over-think” their speech as much as it is when they don’t put any effort in at all. The jokes seem far too scripted, the memorable moments seem way too sappy. If you write a speech that is going to make you cry- change it. Yes, it’s okay if you get emotional. But don’t write yourself a trap you can’t get out of. If you rehearse your speech and you notice it’s too sentimental…lighten it up or shorten it.
DO: End on a toast. Some speeches forget this all together and it’s anti-climatic. Make sure to remember to make the toast part of your speech. When it seems like an after thought, it can fizzle out any energy you may have had going for you during your speech. You are not limited to saying “To Mr and Mrs…”. Try inviting people to raise their glass before you say your toast. And when you say your toast, it doesn’t have to just be from you. Write your toast to be from everyone. “We wish you a life filled with love and laughter” instead of “I wish you a life filled with love and laughter”.
how long should my BEST MAN, Maid of Honor speech be?
5 minutes. I promise, you can make a beautiful, meaningful, fun-filled speech in 5 minutes. It’s not hard. Here’s a sample order to follow:
Introduction- your name and how you know the bride or groom and a compliment to the wedding and reception
Intent- clearly state your desire for you speech which should be to encourage the bride and groom and remind them why they are meant to be together
Body- use this part to recall favorite memories over your time spent with the bride and groom and stories that would attest to their love for one another
Closing- reaffirm your appreciation to have the chance to speak, reiterate your love for the couple and your excitement for their vows to one another, possibly slide in a short and sweet funny comment or inside joke if it’s appropriate
Toast- Bless them, wish the well, speak over them all the good things you hope for their marriage
For more wedding tips follow @mitchweddings on instagram
Are you curious to learn even more about what it’s like to have me guide you through your wedding ceremony? Please contact me so we can get to know one another.
